Rising from the Deep

Noni’s Rough Reality

Why you wanna fly, Blackbird
You ain't ever gonna fly
Why you wanna fly, Blackbird
You ain't ever gonna fly

No place big enough for holding
All the tears you're gonna cry
Cause your mama's name was lonely
And your daddy's name was pain
And he called you little sorrow
Cause you'll never love again

Why you wanna fly, Blackbird
You ain't ever gonna fly
Why you wanna fly, Blackbird
You ain't ever gonna fly

You ain't got no one to hold you
You ain't got no one to care
If you'd only understand, dear
Nobody wants you anywhere

So why you wanna fly, Blackbird
You ain't ever gonna fly 
So why you wanna fly, Blackbird
You ain't ever gonna fly

Nina Simone

When I listen to those lyrics, I can’t help but feel somber. It describes a sad, dark place and that place.. is someone’s mind. Essentially, the writer is in a deep, dark pit of despair with no one to dig her out. She’s told to identify with sorrow and to not bother dreaming big. She’ll never make it. She comes from a broken home with her mother lonely and her father in pain and we don’t know whether the cycle truly continues with her as she has a decision to make.

That song is what Noni, the main character sang a handful of times throughout the film and during its introduction she sang it as a child at a talent competition in England.

It became apparent that in her case, her mother may have been lonely and not just that, desperate to get out of hard circumstances. She was a single mom raising Noni all by herself and struggled with even the basics such as doing her African-American daughter’s hair. But hey. In her defense, curly hair is not for the faint of heart.

But that’s not what truly resonated with me about her mother. What got my attention was her behavior. After Noni sang “Blackbird,” and received applause that was well deserved, she praised her for her accomplishment and gave her much love and affection, like any parent should. But when Noni was awarded as First Runner-Up, she hit her with a cold, hard stare from across the room.

Noni, who was smiling from her proud moment, quickly put her head down and her smile vanished. Shortly after, she was drug out of the auditorium by her mother, who stomped out angrily, and outside their old station wagon, told her daughter to “chuck it,” referring to her trophy. When Noni asked her why, she replied, “Do you wanna be a runner-up or do you wanna be a winner?”

And that was when I knew. Noni had it really rough. Like, really, really rough.

Fast-forward at least a decade, Noni wins her first billboard for a song she’s released with her rapper boyfriend (take note: Their relationship is all for publicity’s sake), Kid Culprit. But she doesn’t appear happy. There are many times where she wears a blank expression on her face, except for the moments where she has to smile for the cameras or is momentarily flattered by the attention she’s getting. This continues throughout the film. But I notice genuine happiness when she receives love from her mother. When does she receive that love? Oh yeah. When she wins. Her father is nonexistent and is hardly mentioned.

Kaz Enters Noni’s Life

To celebrate her achievement, Noni drinks the bottle of alcohol Kid Culprit gave her. And upon arriving to her hotel, tells the policeman (Kaz) at her door to not let anyone into her room. He grants her wishes. Her handlers are mad and her mother coaxes him to let her in and when she enters, she finds her daughter sitting on the balcony’s railing.

Now.. here’s my reaction. I can’t really say that I’m surprised. What chance was Noni ever given to be happy? She was only given affection and approval whenever she won. It’s like she had to earn her mother’s love which is absolutely appalling. Children need love. They need support. They don’t need pressure. They don’t need mental and emotional abuse for not meeting their broken parent’s standards. They should never have to earn love. So when she became an adult, she still carried those childhood traumas with her. Truly, it never stopped.

Noni never felt good enough. She was under so much pressure to be the perfect “it girl” and star. She never felt valuable. She never felt heard or seen.

Kaz, who was at her door, quickly ran in when he heard the mother’s screams and became an important character when he worked to rescue Noni from her distress.

He asked if she could look at him for a second and she replied, “You still can’t see me,” before purposefully slipping off the railing. She was ready to end her misery. But Kaz wouldn’t let her. A MOMENT. Every woman’s fantasy of being saved by a gorgeous man who CARES. Or maybe just me..

He pulled her body back and in a last moment’s attempt to save her, managed to grip her hand and get her attention, saying repeatedly, “I see you, I see you,” gathering enough strength to pull her back up. It gets me every time. Straight chills when I watch it.

It was at that moment that love burned for each other, and if not that, then in the very least, a fascination, strong curiosity, and unbreakable bond. She couldn’t take her eyes off him, even as her mother pulled her away.

It’s no surprise they started seeing each other after that. Noni wanted to escape from her hectic life and Kaz brought her a sense of peace. More than that, he listened. He listened to her ideas, to her story, and to her feelings when other people like her mother and her label never did. She was never able to make her own choices, not even when it came to the songs that she sang.

But Kaz also had some things in common with the English pop star. He was living according to his father’s plan: First political science major, then police force, then road to becoming a politician. He was working on the last step, but then he met Noni.

He challenged her all the way. When she wanted him to lie to the press for her, saying that she wasn’t suicidal but merely had too much to drink, it was apparent that he wasn’t thrilled about it. Later on when the situation was addressed, he told her, “Truth is the only safe ground to stand upon.” He told her that she needed help and that if they were going to be together, she needed to end it with Kid Culprit. What a man. She listened.

After running off with Kaz to escape her problems, Noni later asked him to be her body guard and he agreed. Very soon he saw the issues Noni faced.

He saw how tirelessly she worked with little breaks in between, how photographers and her own mother encouraged her to strip naked in front of the cameras, and how she was publicly disrespected and humiliated by her former boyfriend and rapper, Kid Culprit, at a major award show. That was when Kaz went into full protection mode. He ended up going on stage and getting into a physical altercation with the rapper.

Kaz, who had a reputation to uphold as a future politician, decided to risk his fate to be with Noni who desperately needed his love and support. This was a decision that went against his father’s wishes and he had already blown his shot at gaining financial support from donors due to his fight on the stage. But he didn’t care. He cared about Noni who was unraveling before his eyes.

After witnessing her have a major psychological breakdown, that was when he decided that they would both get away from the limelight and take time to get some much needed rest.

7 Ways Noni Rose from the Deep

1. Noni told the truth

She recognized that to make things better, she needed to acknowledge and confess the true reason why she was on that balcony. To herself and to others. She had wanted to give up that fateful day. She was tired of playing a raunchy “fantasy girl” character. That wasn’t who she really was. She was suffering inside. She decided to go on a news interview to tell the whole world the truth, despite her label wanting her to keep lying. What a power move.

2. Noni took back control

One of the first things Noni confided to Kaz was that her “whole life was in someone else’s hands.” She also said that no one cared about what she had to say. Her managers and her label controlled her. After she got back from her getaway, she told her record company that she wanted one of her original songs to be featured on the album and she wasn’t taking no for an answer. She also decided to perform the song for her upcoming tours while showing off her new look, her natural and modest self. ABSOLUTELY GORG.

Also… Peep the same hairdo she wore to the talent show when she was a kid! She for sure healed her inner child when she sang her new song, Blackbird!

3. Noni stood up for herself

Not only did she speak truth and take back control, she stood up for herself. During a huge fight with her mom, she let her know that her mom didn’t prioritize her as her daughter, she prioritized money and success by using her daughter for her own selfish reasons.

She told her that it was never okay to tell her to show off her body, that when she needed to be mothered she was managed, that she was tired of her mother overpowering her wishes, and that her mother should’ve known she was unhappy and unwell when she was on that balcony. She fired her mom after that conversation.

4. Noni created boundaries and cut relationship ties

Let’s be honest. Noni had to clean house. In order to be with a good man that nurtured her and actually deserved her, she had to get rid of the oh-so-very toxic Kid Culprit who publicly disgraced her and had the nerve to ask her what she was wearing after hearing about her suicide attempt. This man degraded her to a sex object and encouraged her to be the lesser version of herself.

Noni also had to put her mother in her place – not in a disrespectful way but in a direct way in order to protect her peace and her health. So she fired her. Her mother encouraged her to be money hungry and seductive. She didn’t care about her daughter having a voice and she didn’t care about her receiving mental health treatment. Noni needed to create boundaries there.

5. Noni allowed herself to love and to receive love

After creating boundaries and cutting ties, Noni allowed herself to love and to receive love. A HEALTHY love. She could have grown cold and turned Kaz away, but she saw something pure in him. He was a man that cared about others. He saved her life. He listened to her. He spent quality time with her. He took care of her. He defended and protected her honor. He didn’t talk down to her. He didn’t critisize. But he was honest with her. He loved her. He was good to her and he was good for her.

She knew she needed him. She would never be the same. She changed for the better. You can even argue that the love she felt from Kaz made her feel safe enough to show him her true self as she had embraced her natural hair in front of him and had kept wearing it ever since.

We love us some natural curls.

6. Noni got some help

During her news interview, she told the world that she was getting some psychological help so that she could heal from her traumas. She humbled herself after realizing she had some issues and accepted that she couldn’t get better all by herself. Alcohol, fame, and fortune, did not help her when she needed help the most! I wonder who influenced her to do this? Oh yeah. That tall, dark, and handsome man that’s good to her AND good for her. I’m not crying, you’re crying!

7. Noni started living her best life

Noni had the courage to start living her best life when she dismissed the bad advice, made healthy decisions, and chose to live on her own terms, officially rising from the deep. Noni, joy looks so good on you. Kaz, because of your true love, sacrifice, guidance, protection, and just overall, being such a good man, this woman was able to become the best version of herself that she could possibly be.

Tip: Go back and read the lyrics of “Blackbird,” at the very top of the page and see how Noni defied every one of those lies when she rose from the deep.

If you guys want to watch it, Beyond the Lights is currently on Netflix!

Keep Rising,

E